Things You Could Learn from Being Single

At one point in my private life, I realised that my partners changed over the years yet my relationships often ended in the same way. The answer was me and that something needed to be transformed within myself. I felt the need to go deeper and have a look at what was going on.

Following blindly, unconscious and sometimes dangerous pathways, forgetting myself, feeling lost, loosing my centre point…. -The words Roots and Direction came to me-

After a few long relationships after another I chose to take a different path, to be single for a good while. Here are some valuable life lessons learnt from my experience.

-Nothing in the world will ever make you feel validated until you validate yourself. It is not our partners job to fulfil the empty spaces, boredom or pain in us. Often when these sentiments would arise I would turn to my partner for the solution. We are responsible for our own joy!

-Learning to fully rely on yourself and love yourself unconditionally is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your future partner.

-Putting yourself first is the least selfish thing you will ever do. The world needs you at your most authentic, and that takes a tremendous amount of self-care. Trying to please at any cost, not respecting your boundaries, sets the tone for how others perceive you-a mirror. Know yourself and take care of yourself.

-Building a wall around yourself to keep the pain out only keeps the pain contained inside of your own heart. Stay open! Just completely open to each NEW situation…

-Forgiveness is never about the other person. When we hold on to anger for another person, we only hurt ourselves.

The love we look for on the outside is so deeply ingrained in every ounce of our being that we are never alone. All the love we need is in our own heart…once you have locked into that, no one can take that away from you…it’s your source to feed and nurture.

-No matter how much we love ourselves, there is no better feeling than having someone to share our dreams with. This can mean sharing them with friends and family, too.

-Everything we go through — good or bad — brings us closer to the highest version of ourselves. See every obstacle as a call to deepen your relationship to the divine and you will turn even the biggest mistake into a lesson – everything that arises has a function in that moment, see it!

-Every ounce of this life is precious. Do not waste one minute holding your love back from the world. There is no more time to love half way. Be whole, be daring , use your most powerful tool – total love.

-True strength lies in your ability to show the world your most authentic self — even the vulnerable part, the part that shows your humanity. Humour and self-mocking is a great way to let things slide, owning your darkside, knowing yourself and breaking illusions to be loved as you are.

My heart feels gratitude for all of the time I had spent dedicating my life to anchoring myself, laying down my roots and finding MY true path yet at some point we just feel we are ready ready to open the door once again.

Trusting the universe to give me exactly what I need, and to fully accept whatever that may be. After this time spent on my own, I now know that fear’s only purpose is to keep us from pain, but there is no greater pain than fear itself.

Accepting to be loved is an everyday quest and it remains easier said than done…to open up ,trust and let the love in but go deeper…It’s all about love, the source..pure love, nothing else. 

Lara Boshoff

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